Venerable Interpretation

I got this amusing smart-ass email from Singapore over the weekend regarding the 1st Precept:

Dear Venerable,

I have a couple of situation clarification with regards to the 1st precept of abstention from killing.

a) In my house toilet, sometime there are some puny ants. I need to
clean the toilet. I tried sending loving kindness and ask them to go away - but guess I don't have the ability. So they still wandering around. I spray water and they died.

b) I play golf. Sometime, while trying to take a shot, a puny ant would be crawling on the golf ball. I usually brush in away or wait till the ant crawl down to the ground and disappear. I take my golf shot - wandering whether the ant escaped or has been killed by my golf swing?.

Kindly advise how to interpret these situations. Thank You

My smart-ass response:

These are very difficult situations.

First, I would advise that you leave the toilet to the ants and shit outside.

Second, try to play golf with an imaginary golf ball instead of a real one. This will eliminate any danger of striking an ant, and should also help in avoiding sand traps and water hazards.

I do have to wonder, though, about someone who would go through all the trouble of finding a website that discusses Buddha's Five Precepts just to send an e-mail like that.